Lucky Me
by Linwe Elendil
Summary: Set after Beachhead. Daniel's reaction to Vala's supposed death. Lots of spoilers for various episodes inside! Oneshot.


Disclaimer: No, I still don't own the rights to Stargate. If I did, I might have a shot at getting my novel published! :-(

Set at the end of the episode _Beachhead, _because I find Daniel's reactions… interesting. ;-)

(Note: Thanks to HHK for catching an error! Daniel doesn't find out about Leda's death until after Beachhead. Since she's only mentioned in passing, I've taken the reference out.)

* * *

"Did Vala make it back on board?"

"Negative, sir."

Daniel stared out at the rubble of the supergate. There was suddenly something wrong with his stomach. He swallowed bile as his vision blurred. A moment later, his knees started to give out, and he gripped the command chair in an effort to stay upright.

"Jackson! Infirmary."

He looked around, not fully aware of his surroundings, when strong hands grasped his arm and propelled him forward. Five steps into the corridor were as far as he got before passing out cold.

**xXx**

His head hadn't hurt this much since his first meeting with Vala on the Prometheus. Being zatted, slapped, punched, kicked in the face, choked, punched again (and again), and head butted can leave an impression on your cranium. In his case, nearly literally. But the weeklong throbbing headache he'd endured was nothing compared to what he suffered now. Images pummeled him like rough seas against a weak, wooden boat, and he was beginning to wonder how much more punishment his mind could take. Even the Replicator Carter sifting through his brain for knowledge of the Ancients hadn't felt this terrible. _Sha're, Ke'ra, Sarah, Oma, Vala…_ Some faces that he'd saved. Too many that he'd lost. They spread through his dream in a painful collage.

Oma was probably still locked in battle with Anubis somewhere. Ke'ra, living out the remainder of her life among good people, not allowed to remember her years as Linaea. Somehow she'd saved his life back when they first met – he was sure about that now. And the only way he could repay the debt was to stay far away, praying that nothing would trigger the return of her memory.

Sarah had the best psychiatrists helping her adjust after the removal of her symbiote, but the transition had proven harder than anyone expected. She refused to talk to him now. Not because she thought he was responsible for Osiris taking control of her body – she had been emphatic that it wasn't his fault (something he had yet to believe) – but because of the things Anubis had made her do. Daniel had tried talking to her about it, but she'd shied away from him, cutting his visit short.

And above it all; the throbbing ache in his heart that belonged only to Sha're. It was all he had left of her now – his hopes for her salvation had disappeared in a single staff blast. He'd begged, pleaded, cried, and screamed to all the gods he knew of (and even a few who didn't deserve the title) for a way to bring her back. But in the end he'd been powerless – impotent – unable to do anything but bury her beautiful corpse in the sand. Weeks had gone by before appetite and sleep started to return, and he'd clung to his grief ever since. He started the practice as a way to feel something, but purposely brought his memories to the surface again when tragedy threatened to overwhelm him. Remembering her death brought a numbness to his mind and body, and he retreated to that place even now. After the most recent blunder that had claimed the life of another good (if only very deep down) person.

"Hey, Jackson." Colonel Mitchell's voice woke him from the dream, and Daniel took a second to fully open his eyes, making sure his emotional shielding was in place.

"Sorry. Keep falling asleep."

"Well, it's better than the alternative," Mitchell pointed out.

"You're lucky the bracelet's effect was wearing off," Sam added.

"Yeah…" _She's dead because I didn't listen to her._ Another notch to add to the belt of mistakes he wished he'd never made. "Lucky me."

"Vala Mal Doran will be mourned," Teal'c said. Daniel closed his eyes in an effort to shut out his friend's words. His wife's face surfaced, bringing the familiar deadness. Vala would haunt him now, too.

Sam's voice jolted him from bleak thoughts, and he forced himself to listen, clinging to her words like a lifeline from the shadows. "I've been going over the telemetry from the last few seconds before the formation of the singularity. A matter stream left the cargo ship just before it exploded."

He tried to lift his head – not daring to hope, but unable to stop himself.

"There's at least a slight chance that it was pulled into the singularity," she finished.

"So you're saying she could be alive… somewhere in the Ori home galaxy," Daniel said as feeling rushed back through his limbs.

"It's possible."

For the first time in hours, Daniel felt like smiling. "Well, we wanted to send them a message." The group exchanged a smile – no doubt thinking of what a very loud and obstinate message the Ori were in for – as Daniel lay back down. _Now,_ he thought, _I'll really be able to sleep._ He could hear the soft footsteps of his friends leaving before the darkness washed over him again – gently this time.

_Give 'em hell, Vala._

_It's what you do best._

* * *

That's it for now!

Hope you enjoyed. :-)

(BTW – I'm shamelessly promoting my own work here, but I've recently posted two SG-1 vids on You Tube. Just search for Linwe Elendil and "It's Raining Men" or "Gimme Gimme Gimme a Man After Midnight"… I think you'll like them!)


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